Worst Things Found in Halloween Candy, PT II

Most cases of things-found-in-Halloween-candy turn out to be pranks, hoaxes, and other forms of complete horse manure. The few cases of substances and foreign objects founds in candy are isolated and really should NOT cause widespread paranoia. This goes for the few times things like drugs have been accidentally mistaken for candy. I mostly say this because it is true and people got upset and emailed me when I wrote this fun post in 2012. 

Following my post in 2012, though, I wanted to construct a new list of the Worst Things Found in Halloween Candy for 2015, starting off with a real bang! That's a pun. Enjoy!

Bullets.

"I Opened up the second box; more bullets.  Third box; more bullets. Fourth box; more bullets."

In 2014, at a Peebles Ohio Preschool Halloween Event, a small child received a bag full of goodies including Milk Duds . Inside of those fun-sized boxes were live rounds instead of tar-like treats. (For those that don't know me, I love those tar-like treats.)

Side Note: Does "Chrissy" not totally sound like Olive Oil?

Actually, I have more to say about this. A bigger crime than the bullets themselves is this entire news package. How many puns did you count? I counted at least  4.

That reporter, though. How about this pivotal fucking moment:

A supervisor at the preschool told me she couldn't comment.

Way to sell it, buddy. Oh yeah, your voice cracked twice beforehand. 

​And how about the editing? Whoever was in charge of putting this together was a sarcastic asshole, which is saying something coming from me, a man who takes pride in the nickname "CHUMP." Right after they discuss the .22 rounds, we cut to Olive Oil--I mean, Chrissy--discussing how great the Peeble's Program is for preschoolers. ​

Glass.

Also in 2014, Buffalo Police warned the parents around Kaisertown to keep an eye on their children's Halloween candy for shards of glass after a trick or treat event while the police tried to single out the households.

Everything unfolded after a mother reported to police she discovered glass inside of Tootsie Pops her children were given on a Beggars Night. 

For those of you who don't know, Beggars Night is another term used for Halloween; sometimes in lieu. What I didn't realize was, in Buffalo, Beggars Night is like Halloween Part One. The little boogers get greedy with the sweets on October 30th. 

Wacky Tabacky.

So this may not technically be one of the worst things found in Halloween candy for many people, but the story is still kind of weird.

Quick Disclaimer: There isn't much evidence that anyone really ever tried to hand out cannabis-infused candies to children for Halloween or any other holiday for that matter. (With the growing legalization & popularity of the medicine, though, some folks still have such a fear. Luckily, there is a test out there to help parents determine what kind of edible their kids actually have.)

However, according to the SFGate/San Francisco Chronicle (no pun intended), pot was inadvertently handed out during Halloween. 

The treats were the product of a failed and undetected attempt to mail 5 ounces of marijuana to someone in San Francisco.

Somebody tried to mail it and didn’t have enough postage or the address was wrong.

A lot of their dead mail, stuff that’s nonperishable, is given away to charity

(The employee) picked up the candy along with a bunch of canned goods. He took the other items to a church but kept the candy.

 So, you get the gist of the story already. Also, are you as suspicious of "the employee" as I am? 

Anyway, rather than purchase his own candy with this own money for Halloween, the employee used the fun-sized Snickers bag. (He didn't bother to check the contents first.  Hmm.) That was, until the police busted him. Luckily, they believed his story and he was off of the hook. 

Flakka, Flakka, Flakka!

Imagine you're butt-naked after doing a ridiculous amount of bath salts, sprinting along the downtown strip. As you profess your love for Kelly Clarkson and true New York Pizza (not NY-Style dammit), someone brushes past you, his gust sending you to the pavement. He travels so quickly his words follow behind him: "Pussy!"

He is on flakka, otherwise known as "$5 insanity," "skinny pretty girl," and "gravel." It makes cocaine look like a little bitch. This drug gained it's popularity in South Florida (as most designer drugs do) when it appeared on gummy bears. 

​Since 2013, flakka has lost some steam--or everyone that used it died-- so the good news is it is not as likely to be found on Halloween candy. If you're paranoid, though, the drug is easy to spot on candy, especially if it's on a gummy. The candy will become stiffer. The gummy bears, for example, were no longer that flexible and they were individually wrapped. Xanax-laced candies are a different story, though. 

Metal.

Here we go. In the past, isolated horror stories led to very expensive preventative measures. When I began this entry, I reminded everyone this was for fun. While these events did occur, they were rare.

​Sure, you should check your kids candy before they eat it; but are there 1,000s of madmen out there poisoning candy and shoving foreign objects into chocolates?  Hardly. 

When I was a kid, local clinics offered to x-ray candy for foreign objects due to razor-blade scares, etc. Turns out, they didn't find shit. Why did they even offer to do it? Because there were a few incidents, but not enough to cause panic. Most of them, however, just turned out to be really terrible pranks. And most of them today still feel like pranks.

And then there is this KHQ6 Story about a Spokane (which turns out to be a real town name like Roachdale) family that found random pieces of metal ranging from nails to chunks of a watch in their Halloween candy. While it's a new story, I'm personally on the fence. Read it, check out the comments, and decide for yourself.   Let's move on to the cocaine story.

Cocaine.

 For anyone who doesn't know, I guess, this is how the UK handles cocaine.

Donald Junior Green, a local [Oldham] "drug enthusiast",  was approached by some trick-or-treaters, and he handed out what he thought were bags of Haribo gummy candies (seriously, what's up with drugs and gummies?), but they were really his bags of cocaine.

​What's worse, 3 children were with their dad, a local police officer. Green immediately realized his mistake and rummaged the streets trying to correct his wrongdoings. Ultimately, he received 130 hours of--drum roll, please--community service. 

So this guy was . . . er, . . . being a  hero and definitely not trying to save his ass or trying to save his money &  his coke,  got a slap on the wrist, and the present officer couldn't discern a bag of coke from a bag of gummies? Keep reading for an even dumber cocaine story!

Here is a guy who was busted for coke while being tried for coke.

Bonus Candy Fun

One out of every 20 or 30 bags would have one or two little gummy penises in them.

The lollies were not considered offensive in China, where the shape was a symbol of fertility and health.

This happened in New Zealand and probably affected nobody's Halloween, but it makes for great bonus story about candy nonetheless. 

According to Stuff and Consumerist, Nelson-based confectionery company Dutch Rusk imported gummy lollipops and so on from a Chinese company. We're talking pallets upon pallets. There were everything from gummy bears to gummy  . . . penises. These got mixed up and were delivered to a child-based market. 

​Just imagine your kid opening up the wrapper of normal-seeming candy to find that lollipop inside? 

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10 Worst Things Found in Halloween Candy (2012)