Trading the Bible for Porn

I'VE ALWAYS GIVEN THE ENGLISH CREDIT FOR THEIR APPRECIATION OF FINE LITERATURE and lack of prejudice towards genre fiction, but lately their wild child mindsets have gone awry. This is a story quickly building up speed. It's a story of a hotel replacing the Gideon Bible with Fifty Shades of Grey.

There's no reason to hide the fact I don't like Fifty Shades of Grey and everything about it, including but not limited to: how it started, how it was sold, how it is labeled, how it's becoming a movie, how it lacks a plot besides a penis' quest to enter a vagina, how its cover looks, where it's place on bookshelves, how it's considered a great work, how it's considered a bestseller, how it is titled, how the texture of the paper feels, how it's part of a trilogy . . . Seriously, I think I've ripped on it here and here.

Aside from my distaste for this distasteful manuscript, which might as well been printed on toilet paper or whatever Hustler pages are made out of, I'm extremely frustrated with the gimmicky nature of the novel.

For those of you who don't know, Fifty Shades of Who-Gives-a-Shit started off as erotica fan fiction for the Twilight Saga. Ever since its release, I've grown to appreciate Twilight a little bit more.

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Why Trade the Bible for Porn?

It's important to first understand what the Gideon Bible is, since no one really pays attention to what kind of bible is in the hotel nightstand's drawer. 

For a complete history click here. For the short, I-don't-want-to-waste-your-time C.M. Humphries version, continue on . . .

Here's the skinny on the Gideon Bible. Basically, in 1868 two guys were in an overcrowded room which forced them to socialize. They discovered they were both Christians and toyed around with the idea of creating a professional organization that would spread the word of God. Instead of immediately pursuing their mission, they prayed. They parted ways and rejoined with some other guys and decided to leave a bible in the Boscobel Hotel. From then on, the idea was carried, and now hotels everywhere have bibles.

But not anymore!

The news trend is starting with a small 40-room Damson Dene Hotel in the Lake District of England. Jonanthan Denby, the hotel owner, said this in his blog: 

"Tonight millions of women will be curling up in bed with a good book and you can bet your life it won't be the Bible. More likely than not it will be 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' I haven't read the book yet -- I'm not in the target audience -- but I'm told it's a ripping good yarn and everyone who's in the target audience loves it. This made me wonder about the sense of providing a book, the Gideon Bible which no-one reads, and many dislike, in the bedside cabinet of our hotel bedrooms, instead of a book which everyone wants to read, such as 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'

"In this secular age it seems distinctly odd that anyone would expect to find a religious book in a hotel bedroom."

Here's the deal. England loves this idea, which he also expresses in this blog. In America, people are upset about this idea because people they feel its necessary for a bible to be in a hotel room to prove their faith. There's also discomfort with sexuality in America, which Europeans are known for embracing. According to Denby, the folks across the pond are happy that the book is being placed in hotels, even despite their religious stances. They almost find it humorous and preferable. Plus, Fifty Hues of Twilight is not considered "mommy porn" anywhere else but the United States. 

In summary, England loves the idea and the US hates it. I guess the obvious argument in the news is Would You Rather Read The Holy Bible or Fifty Shades of the Usual Crap Guys Give You Just to Get In Your Pants and Later Break Your Heart?

The Twist You Never Saw Coming In This Blog . . . 

Even as I type this post now, I'm still wondering why a hotel might replace the Bible with smut. The answer is pretty obvious: It's a gimmick. Hell, I might be spreading the word about this hotel just by writing out my rage.

However!

I fully support the notion of adding a contemporary novel to the nightstand drawer of a hotel room. Now, I don't necessarily mean the Bible should be replaced. It's there for comfort and you don't have to read it if you don't believe. I've even heard of people hand-rolling cigarettes with the extra pages. And I really don't want to come across Fifty Shades Darker than the Brightest Crayon in the Box anywhere else in my travels, but maybe it's a great way to start.

I fully support this idea. There should be literature in hotel rooms! How cool would that be? You're on a trip for whatever reason, you wind up locked up in a hotel room for a long night, and you just want to pass the time. What better way than to read a book? I mean, nothing good is ever on TV (besides the Olympics, of course), the Playboy Channel is too expensive, and the Internet is excruciatingly slow in any hotel. 

Let's go with. Let's add literature to hotel rooms. It's a beautiful thought whether Denby had it in mind or not. If I knew hotel keepers wouldn't simply throw them away, I'd leave a paperback in every hotel I stay in. It's good for the mind, it's a great pastime - and who knows - you might stumble across a book you haven't read, a book you might've always wanted to read, or you might rediscover why books are the best form of media ever.

That's just my opinion. I'd be happy to hear what you think!

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You Might Also Enjoy:

Vicar condemns hotel after it replaces Gideon Bible with 50 Shades of Grey
Replacing the Bible with Fifty Shades of Grey – The American Perspective

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