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Forbidden Blog

Fear, focus, and the future. Here, C.M. Humphries writes about whatever. ​

8/30/2012

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Don't Be A Baby, Read.

 
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We all know of the "Your Baby Can Read" and Robert Titzer scandal. Right now, the FTC is fighting the organization for false and deceptive advertisements, not only on television, but through websites and giant social media companies. The company is going out of business due to the large loss of profits through complaints. While they say their results verify their research, the FTC says their studies and records are flawed. In short, something like "Your Baby Can Read" won't likely produce a nine-monther who can read. However, it may be possible to teach your young'ns some form of communication which could lead to a higher literacy rate at a younger age. 


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8/29/2012

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No Internet Until You Write

 
Like anything else you need to do, distractions can cause you to lose your time to write. The worst part is writers now favor a word processor on their computers over writing by hand, which poses a dreadful dilemma: Should I check my email and Facebook first? The Internet is the enemy to all productive types. It's handy for research and taking a look at real-time trends, but sometimes we research more than we need to. And by research, I mean we roam around the web aimlessly, absorbing snippets of information and entertainment.


In light of the paradox, writers have developed many well-known ways of tricking themselves into writing, like writing where there isn't internet, blackmail (usually a defaming snap shot from a long night), or even leaving threatening or motivating sticky notes around their monitor. There are even cool places to write and brag like 750 Words. But today I want to introduce you to another option. I'm not getting paid to promote this idea, but I think it's interesting. It's earning your internet each time you write. 

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8/28/2012

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Only Cool Writers Are Insomniacs

 
It's only a few hours since you fell asleep and already you're jolted upright in bed with a sort of panic. Your mind races with all the things you need to complete or improve. While in the story "Sleep" insomnia is entertaining, in real life it's not quite the same. For writers, insomnia and sleep deprivation aren't unusual terms. The sleepless writer is even a stereotype. However, staying awake for countless hours can be detrimental to writing. creative thinking, learning, repair, and concentration. 

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8/19/2012

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Can a Kindle Help Rekindle Your Relationship?

 
Before you read this there's a good chance you checked your Facebook. If you scrolled around your news feed, you might've also scoffed at all the wishy-washy relationship nonsense. Let's not kid ourselves. Sometimes you wonder if anyone has a working relationship. But here's the thing: I stumbled across the answer and I'm going to provide the first step towards a working relationship for free. Now, this post has little to do with eReaders (as the title might've implied) and more to do with books, both digital and print. Ladies and gentlemen, future avid No-Injury Policy readers, prepare yourselves for bibliotherapy. 

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8/17/2012

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6 Words Coming to Dictionaries Near You

 
Along with the numerous big-name books coming out this fall, dictionary companies are rolling out their new editions. Of course, every year comes with the addition of new words and definitions. For 2012, some of these words are technical, but most of them are somewhat funny. Here are my favorite 6.
First off, here are my sources:

F-bomb, Sexting Among New Words In Merriam-Webster Dictionary
And the definitions - outside of my interpretations - go to the men and women behind Merriam-Webster dictionaries. 



Now then, why are we adding such ridiculous words to the dictionary? Some words are technical and need to be known for the sake of categorization. It's how our minds function. But when you see F-bombs taking a legitimate form in the dictionary, you have to ask why.


It's the same as anything else: ratings. Or in this case, publishers are fighting to the death to have the most in-depth dictionaries out there. Some of them discover new words without publicly releasing them at first. This way other dictionary companies have to create, add, or find their own new words. It might seem a bit over-the-top, but when was the last time you bought or used a dictionary? I don't mean Google search results. 

You Might Also Enjoy:

Never Search for a Book Summary
No-Injury Policy
Trading the Bible for Porn
10 Fictional Places to Visit
More Forbidden Blogs
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8/15/2012

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Never Search for a Book Summary

 
Admit it. At least once or twice in your life, you've probably put down a book before you finished it. Now I'm not psychic by any means, but my guess is it was a book for school. For a vast majority of you - well, myself included - it was during high school. Don't we all love 19th Century Literature? Of course we do. Do we like a ton of it thrown at us at once with strict completion and examination deadlines? We probably like it a lot less then. So what do you do when you're on a time crunch with a literature assignment? You look online for summaries. What's there to fear? Here's what:

Literary Giants Can Be Trolls Too

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At the risk of sounding old, let me say that when I was a kid, we weren't reading contemporary literature in high school. As a matter of fact you born-after-1994 kids, you should thank your previous generations for forcing high schools to offer up a reading list with a modern feel. Or post-modern, if you wanna be a dick about it. 

Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Twilight, Crank - These would've never been read in high school during my time. (All right, I'll stop being condescending now.) When I was in high school, we were ravenous for a book printed during the 1990s or 2000s. With that said, sometimes Hemmingway, Hawthorn, Shelley, and the whole gang were a bit tedious to read and test over and over on. Mark Twain wasn't as funny the third time around, and he actually seemed more racist than anything. Sure there were Spark Notes and the like to help students ace through their studies.

Now, of course, we've got Google, Yahoo!, and Bing. You can just search the forums or search your question directly. In most cases, a forum will have the summary of a book and less than intelligent analyses. What you might never expect is a pissed-off writer insulted by a students quest not to read his book.


Although the post has since been deleted, the student originally asked Yahoo! Answers, 

"I haven't been able to finish this book. Can someone give me a complete review, including everything important? I REALLY need this! AND it's not because I'm slacking." 


The book is The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To. And the author is DC Pierson (who honestly looks fresh out of graduate school), who replied, 

Hi! My name's DC Pierson, I wrote the book "The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To." First off, I'm really excited that my book is being suggested for summer reading. On the other hand, I'm bummed out that you don't want to try and finish it, and not even because you think it's bad, but just because it seems like work instead of like fun.

I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't sometimes not read assigned books for class in high school. Even though it's referenced once in my book, the book you're avoiding reading, I've never actually read "The Scarlet Letter." So I'm sympathetic to your plight. But I think you'll find there's a ton more sex, swearing, and drugs in my book than anything else you have been or will be assigned in high school, and I don't mean in the way your teacher will tell you "You know, Shakespeare has more sex and violence than an R-rated movie!" I mean it's all there, in terms you will readily understand without having to Google them. Plus not once to I refer to anything as a "bare bodkin" or anything like that.

I guess all I'm saying is, of all the books not to read, to beg the Internet to read for you because your library is being remodeled, mine seems like an odd choice. (I recently had to read it aloud for an audiobook edition, and we recorded it in about 10 hours, and I was not reading fast at all. Maybe read it aloud to yourself an hour a night between now and when class starts? Or get together with other kids who have to read it for school and read it to each other? Maybe one of these other kids will be so impressed with your oratory skills you guys will end up making out. That would be pretty cool, right?)

Here, I'll give you an extra hint you'll get to put in your paper if you end up writing it: It was all real. A lot of people have asked me if it was supposed to be real or not, and my feeling is, it was. You won't know what I'm talking about unless you read 'til the end, though. And you might disagree with me on this "it was all real" thing once you get there. Just because I wrote it doesn't make my opinion more valid than yours. Wouldn't it be cool to tell your teacher, "The author says he thinks (it) was real but he's an idiot and I disagree with him and here's why!" 

I finished my book. I bet you can, too.


Where They Went Wrong: Student vs. Pierson

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Pierson (left) obviously finds time to read between shots.
First off, I think there's a valid shot taken against the student. You should never ask anyone - or the Internet - to do your reading for you. This is a terrible idea, and instead of making your teacher think you didn't read the material, you'll make them think you might need to be held back. 

Second, the student does score one on the author. His question was less full of grammatical errors than the author's answer. 

Third, the author proposes a strange scenario in which a student might score a little foreplay. The author scores a point for creativity, and the student just scores. 

Fourth, the author scores great publicity for answering the question.

Five, both the student and author lose a point for acting on impulse. While going with your gut can often be serendipitous, both participants in this forum lose a point for sounding like high schoolers. 


Six, the student scores a point for creative excuses. However, you should never say you're running behind on a book because the school's library is closed when the book is mainstream fiction which can be found ANYWHERE! Let's go with a 1/2 point on this one.

Final Score:
Student - 1 1/2 points
Author - 2


In all seriousness, though, I think an author answering a question like this is beneficial. While at first it seems like trolling or bullying, the author is actual careful with his words and facetious at times. In the long run, however, Pierson provides the student with some comical relief, real-life solutions, a personal challenge, and a slight scolding that might influence him to read books in the future. 


If you were in Pierson's shoes, what would you have done?

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10 Fictional Places I'd Visit If I Could
#NIP Social Media Giveaway!
Yahoo Answers User Asks For Book Summary, Gets Schooled By Author DC Pierson
Student asks Internet for help avoiding book, gets schooled by its author
Trading the Bible for Porn
Common High School Reading
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8/14/2012

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10 Fictional Places I'd Visit if I Could

 
The idea of traveling to fictional locations is ludicrous, I know, but bear with me. If I could somehow visit some of the greatest locations in fiction, then these would be my top ten choices. Of course, if you disagree with me or really think I should add another location to my fictional travels, I'd be glad to hear you out.
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8/12/2012

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5 Elements of a Good Horror Story

 

​5 ELEMENTS OF A 
GOOD HORROR STORY

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Some people think they know what makes a great horror story, but they really don't. If you're anything like me, you've been hyped up by a horror movie or book trailer only to feel like you should've waited for the DVD or 99-cent eBook download. 

With such let-downs in mind, I've decided to construct what I think makes a strong horror story. I've mentioned why fear works, how horror has changed  andwhy we love horror, but I've never broken it down into categories before. Without further ado, I believe a good horror story is broken down into fear, surprise, suspense, mystery, and spoiler. This is how:


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8/9/2012

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Why I Still Write by Hand

 
Ever since I was inspired to pursue writing, I've written my first draft out by hand. On rare occasion, I type out a short story rather than writing it out in longhand. Most of the time, though, I still place pen against paper during the drafting process. Because of this, I'm equated to hipsters who love typewriters. I'm always told I'm wasting time and too much paper. Despite everything said,  I still enjoy writing out a short story or novel by hand first, and this is my defending argument:

Writing Makes You Smarter

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To be fair, this was never part of my argument. I did, however, have a similar concept: Writing by hand slowed down the process to the point I could become more conscious of my work and bring out my entire writing arsenal. This discovery about the way writing makes you smarter is another good defense. 

Writing out something by hand offers benefits most other forms don't. 

1. Visual 


This is as simple as it sounds. You are looking at what you're creating.

2. Motor


This is a huge focus with grade schools trying to branch off from the type of handwriting courses we had to suffer through as children. Motor skills are increased just by holding the pen and writing on paper. Let this go, and your hand might cramp during the most trivial of writings, such as a reminder on a Post-It note. 


3. Cognitive

This is essential early on in life. If you don't start out writing by hand, you lose the memory of what the shapes look like and how your hand can form them with the pen. I found this true with my sense of cursive. I learned how to write in all of it's lovely scribbliness, but never kept up on it. I still struggle to remember what the Qs and Ys look like. 

The aforementioned attributes are essential to adults and not merely children. In fact, slowing down to write is actually like molding each thought as it develops, whereas typing right away is nothing more than throwing clay at a wall. To comprehend the full effect of writing something out by hand, simply try it and ogle at the results.  


True Intimacy of Art & Craft

This next reason for writing by hand was part of my original defense, not that a counter-argument is truly needed for a writer's process. 

Along with the psychological and mental benefits of writing by hand, I choose to write this way because I feel a closer connection with the material I am trying to produce. For many writers, the thoughts soar by so quickly there's an impulse to hop on the keyboard and try to keep up. If you've written this way, you've probably hated the revision process. 


If a full story idea if rushing through my mind, the first thing I do is jot down a dirty outline, which I may revisit later. The benefit of mapping out a story first is that you can work from the inside out. That is, if you know the inner most aspects of your story, you can better create the rest with foreshadowing, character behaviors, etc. 

Once you're able to access more trappings, you can then write it all out by hand, which for me tends to result in a strong first draft and fewer grammatical errors. 

Maybe it's the idea of taking time with a story, but I think there's something behind the proximity of your work. On a screen, things are a little more distant and have a finished look, whereas writing provokes you to alter things when you're typing them up. Essentially, you'll already be on your second draft by the time you're typing again. Also, having that material so close to you provides a sensation of actually being in the story. Mind you, this is only my method.
I'd love to know if anyone else feels the same way.

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8/1/2012

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Trading the Bible for Porn

 
I'VE ALWAYS GIVEN THE ENGLISH CREDIT FOR THEIR APPRECIATION OF FINE LITERATURE and lack of prejudice towards genre fiction, but lately their wild child mindsets have gone awry. This is a story quickly building up speed. It's a story of a hotel replacing the Gideon Bible with Fifty Shades of Grey.
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There's no reason to hide the fact I don't like Fifty Shades of Grey and everything about it, including but not limited to: how it started, how it was sold, how it is labeled, how it's becoming a movie, how it lacks a plot besides a penis' quest to enter a vagina, how its cover looks, where it's place on bookshelves, how it's considered a great work, how it's considered a bestseller, how it is titled, how the texture of the paper feels, how it's part of a trilogy . . . Seriously, I think I've ripped on it here and here.

Aside from my distaste for this distasteful manuscript, which might as well been printed on toilet paper or whatever Hustler pages are made out of, I'm extremely frustrated with the gimmicky nature of the novel.

For those of you who don't know, Fifty Shades of Who-Gives-a-Shit started off as erotica fan fiction for the Twilight Saga. Ever since its release, I've grown to appreciate Twilight a little bit more.


Why Trade the Bible for Porn?

It's important to first understand what the Gideon Bible is, since no one really pays attention to what kind of bible is in the hotel nightstand's drawer. 

For a complete history click here. For the short, I-don't-want-to-waste-your-time C.M. Humphries version, continue on . . .
Here's the skinny on the Gideon Bible. Basically, in 1868 two guys were in an overcrowded room which forced them to socialize. They discovered they were both Christians and toyed around with the idea of creating a professional organization that would spread the word of God. Instead of immediately pursuing their mission, they prayed. They parted ways and rejoined with some other guys and decided to leave a bible in the Boscobel Hotel. From then on, the idea was carried, and now hotels everywhere have bibles.

But not anymore!

The news trend is starting with a small 40-room Damson Dene Hotel in the Lake District of England. Jonanthan Denby, the hotel owner, said this in his blog: 

"Tonight millions of women will be curling up in bed with a good book and you can bet your life it won't be the Bible. More likely than not it will be 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' I haven't read the book yet -- I'm not in the target audience -- but I'm told it's a ripping good yarn and everyone who's in the target audience loves it. This made me wonder about the sense of providing a book, the Gideon Bible which no-one reads, and many dislike, in the bedside cabinet of our hotel bedrooms, instead of a book which everyone wants to read, such as 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'

"In this secular age it seems distinctly odd that anyone would expect to find a religious book in a hotel bedroom."


Here's the deal. England loves this idea, which he also expresses in this blog. In America, people are upset about this idea because people they feel its necessary for a bible to be in a hotel room to prove their faith. There's also discomfort with sexuality in America, which Europeans are known for embracing. According to Denby, the folks across the pond are happy that the book is being placed in hotels, even despite their religious stances. They almost find it humorous and preferable. Plus, Fifty Hues of Twilight is not considered "mommy porn" anywhere else but the United States. 

In summary, England loves the idea and the US hates it. I guess the obvious argument in the news is Would You Rather Read The Holy Bible or Fifty Shades of the Usual Crap Guys Give You Just to Get In Your Pants and Later Break Your Heart?


The Twist You Never Saw Coming In This Blog . . . 

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Even as I type this post now, I'm still wondering why a hotel might replace the Bible with smut. The answer is pretty obvious: It's a gimmick. Hell, I might be spreading the word about this hotel just by writing out my rage.

However!

I fully support the notion of adding a contemporary novel to the nightstand drawer of a hotel room. Now, I don't necessarily mean the Bible should be replaced. It's there for comfort and you don't have to read it if you don't believe. I've even heard of people hand-rolling cigarettes with the extra pages. And I really don't want to come across Fifty Shades Darker than the Brightest Crayon in the Box anywhere else in my travels, but maybe it's a great way to start.

I fully support this idea. There should be literature in hotel rooms! How cool would that be? You're on a trip for whatever reason, you wind up locked up in a hotel room for a long night, and you just want to pass the time. What better way than to read a book? I mean, nothing good is ever on TV (besides the Olympics, of course), the Playboy Channel is too expensive, and the Internet is excruciatingly slow in any hotel. 

Let's go with. Let's add literature to hotel rooms. It's a beautiful thought whether Denby had it in mind or not. If I knew hotel keepers wouldn't simply throw them away, I'd leave a paperback in every hotel I stay in. It's good for the mind, it's a great pastime - and who knows - you might stumble across a book you haven't read, a book you might've always wanted to read, or you might rediscover why books are the best form of media ever.

That's just my opinion. I'd be happy to hear what you think!

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Winners will be announced in October and only special blogs and social media messages will allow you to enter. For this blog, make sure the number 8112 appears in your comment or post!
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8/1/2012

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What the Hell is News Anymore?

 
IT USED TO BE PEOPLE TURNED OFF THE NEWS BECAUSE IT WAS TOO DEPRESSING.

The reason I turn off the news sometimes is because of the amount of bullshit on it. For instance, ABC News tends to advertise its television shows in the form of a news story. Fox News spends a lot of time promoting its shows the same way, and it spent most of its airtime ripping on Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. What's worse, almost every major American news source has a website and those websites are turning into personalized tabloids.

Thanks, Like FB Needs More Exposure 

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Take a close look at the picture above. Notice anything unusual? While there are many reasons to turn away from CNN as it is, I used to like their article layout. I mean, it's pretty user-friendly and handy. But now two things catch my eye and agitate me.

First, notice the "Popular on Facebook" feed. This could be useful to see what's trending through social media around the world, because it's worth knowing what the general population thinks. However, it's far too personalized. The first listing is a personal friend of mine and something they shared. 

I do not need to know this - Plus it's not popular on Facebook. It's popular amongst my peers. The second story is a little more interesting,as it addresses what is popular all across Facebook. Then again, the story is about guys who took the same photo for over 30 years. Thank you CNN for pointing out how trivial people can make the wonderful arsenal of social utilities. It might also suggest we're more addicted to social media than we're willing to admit. 

Sudoku for Print, Solitaire and Brick Breaking for Online

At the bottom of the same photograph above, you might also notice the games section. Oh yes, whenever I'm checking out the news and trying to find different lenses of current topics, I'm always really wanting to play solitaire or angry birds, right?

Now, I'm not solely ripping on CNN. A lot of news websites have games. And games have always been a part of newspapers, specifically with Sudoku, word searches, and crossword puzzles. But do these sites really need to offer games?

My initial theory on the games page was that people on CNN might need a break from reading. Whatever, I get it. But are people going to CNN because of the games? Could someone looking for a mindless fast-play stumble upon a news source? 


I don't think so. Also, as a writer, I know what a distraction almost anything can be. If I'm reading via a tablet, I turn the Wi-Fi off so I can't be distracted by social media, games, movies, episodes, etc. I do the same when I'm writing (except blogs, because that would be counterproductive.)

I haven't found any research over the benefit of games on news websites, but that might be because no one cares. However, to be fair I clicked on the tab to see what exactly they offer: Nothing. Kudos to CNN for posting articles around the games, though. That's kind of cool, although the entire page is unnecessary.
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I wouldn't dare assume this post will change anything. It's simply worth noticing how our sources of information are quickly turning into product promotion, propaganda proprietors, and nothing more than an extention to the information we already consume through mediums such as Facebook and Twitter. 

Maybe one day the news will actually contain real news coverage again. For now, I recommend BBC. You'll notice instead of a game page, they have one called "Ethics". 

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