6 Insane Cures for Insanity.

As I continue to work on my upcoming novel in stories Ashland's Asylum, I struggle to decide what I want in the Asylum itself. There's a South Wing to the Asylum, in which some antiquated medical equipment hides.  The Asylum big-wigs need to remove the equipment before Inspection Day [See Strife], but maybe not quite all of it. 

I've constructed the a list of the Top 6 Insane Ways of Treating Insanity--in my whatever opinion--and perhaps some of you might enjoy helping me decide which pieces of equipment to include in the story ?  Hey, hey? 

#6 Bloodletting.

Various tools have been used for bloodletting, ranging from barbs to leeches. This practice was outdated long ago, but someone as sinister as Nurse Ashland from "Ashland's Asylum" would surely know of it.

Ever notice one of those red and white spinning polls at a barber shop (more commonly red, white & blue in the U.S. now)? It gained fame from barber-surgeons, who often recommended bloodletting as a treatment, if not cure, for any medical ailment ranging from acne to cancer to insanity. The red stripes represented the blood and the white resembled a tourniquet. 

Bloodletting is kind of what it sounds like. The idea is that blood can humor certain responses, so naturally, removing some of a person's blood should help treat and him or her. Seems totally logical, right? Oh, you have cancer. Let's remove around 4 quarts of blood!

#5 Insulin Shock Therapy. 

Many doctors claimed insulin shock therapy had no positive effects towards the treatment of schizophrenia, but the main reason the practice was abandoned was because it required too much time with individual patients.

While I am not diabetic myself (*knocks* on wood), I've seen post-insulin-injection face, and it's not often pretty. In fact, whatever an orgasmic facial expression is, it's the opposite. (When you finish checking this part out, you might find this enjoyable too.)

From around 1933-1970, insulin shock therapy was used mostly for schizophrenia. Ridiculous amounts of insulin were injected into patients for around 6 days/week for 2-3 months (holy shit, Batman!) which led to comas consequentially, and somehow treated schizophrenia. 

Insulin is something my more ominous characters could easily get their hands on. The idea of a daily coma is extremely freaky, and I think it might just make it into the story "Ashland's Asylum," if not multiple tales in my upcoming novel in stories. 

#4 Mercury. 

Mercury was also applied topically for lacerations, etc. Just think about that for a minute. Forget "salting the wound."

Mercury is toxic--like Super. Fucking. Toxic.

Since 1500 B.C. human beings messed  with mercury, perhaps to unlock its magical properties, or perhaps because it was a shiny, silver substance that  was fun as hell to play with.

Mercury was used to treat a wide variety of both psychological and physical ailments. It was used a lot for syphilis. Sadly, it sort of helped stop the spread of some STDs . . . you know, because people died from poisoning or suffered from Mad Hatter Disease.  

Until the practices were outlawed, it was thought there was nothing a little injection of mercury could not cure.

#3 Hydrotherapy.

Some times patients were hooked up to a wall, crucifix-style, and sprayed by jets. The jets weren't like the ones in a hot tub or Jacuzzi, though. They were more like fire hoses.

Hydrotherapy wasn't quite as the relaxing as it is today. Many of you probably recognize this form of punishment--scratch that, treatment--but I'm on the fence whether to include it in "Ashland's Asylum."

The logic was simple: water temperature caused bodily and psychological reactions. For example, warm water was for insomnia, whereas cold water (some times patients were mummified with cold towels) was for bipolar disorder (manic-depressive psychoses back then). Treatment generally relied on continuous, multi-day use. 

Unfortunately, some docs were "overzealous" and left patients strapped to bathtubs for weeks up to months for just about any reason. 

#2 Soothing Syrup. 

It's easy to see how soothing syrups, which are chock-full or narcotics, could be used for nefarious purposes. It's also relatively easy to see how this concoction would make your child feel better and have more energy.

For anyone who has received a good cursing and/or whipping for poor behavior as a child, this next one might make you rage with envy if you haven't heard of it before. 

Soothing syrups were purchased for as a low as 25 cents from around 1849-1930. Whether your child had a toothache or was simply being a pain in the ass, you simply provided him or her with a small dose (or perhaps a little more today) of a soothing syrup. One of the most popular choices was Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup. 

What made soothing syrups so special and popular? Mrs Winslow's, for instance, contained either morphine sulfate (a whopping 65mg/oz!), sodium carbonate, cannabis sativa, powdered opium, codeine, heroin,  spirits foeniculi (an alcohol specific to this syrup), aqua ammonia, or a combination of these narcotics. If this was punishment for childhood mischief, I would have been a real villain. 

#1 Moral Treatment.

In many asylum stories, literal chains stop inmates from escaping. moral treatment requires patients to see doctors as Mother Goose; thus making it even harder to escape.

In the 1800s,it was supposed by some that mental illness was caused by moral conflicts. Asylums would smother patients with humane care and impose simple tasks with simple rewards and/or punishments. (I like to imagine these practices to be similar to those in Fight Club. )

However, the result of moral treatment was almost as horrifying as the ailment. The healing process rested on the shoulders of doctors too much, and most patients became 100% dependent on them. You can see how moral treatment might be interesting to add to a story with a  few wicked doctors and nurses.

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What Do You Think?

I went ahead and listed 6 of the potential treatments to make it in the short story "Ashland's Asylum" from my upcoming novel in stories of the same name. Now I want to know what you think.

Be a real pal and let me know which 3 treatments you think would make the short story extra spicy.

If I failed to consider a real doozy in the blog, let me know in the comments (no haters). 

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