This one couldn't wait for Tuesday, and I'll keep it short and sweet so you can get back to game day.
To qualify as a Game Day Jerk, here's whatcha gotta do:
3. Act as belligent as possible and as early as possible.
Oh yes, for whatever reason we Americans believe it's socially acceptable to get plastered every big game, every year. Which is okay; I like any excuse to party as much as the next guy.
But how about we wait until it's actually game day? Too many people pre-game days before the coin toss, which means they haven't committed themselves to all of their duties prior to the big game party. For instance, you'll need snacks, drinks, etc., but how can you buy them if you're too drunk to drive to the grocer?
Sounds like a common sense, but for many, a little alcohol ain't gonna stop nothin'.
These jerks find themselves stumbling through the aisles, screaming at customers and workers, and ultimately making many regret the Super Bowl even exists.
Oops, did I use a trademarked name in my blog? Oh no I did- ent. More on that in point 2.
And of course, drunken fans have a very extensive vocabulary:
2. Overzealous Corporate Sponsors:
These guys are big fans of the Super Bowl (oops) for only one reason: $
Now this isn't a valid reason to hate big corporations, although their morals, values, and ethics tend to be reason enough. It's because you can't even use the word SUPER BOWL without Pepsi or Budweiser getting pissed off.
How annoying are those "game day", "super game", and "super day" adds? It's just two words.
And along with these two types of Game Day Jerks are those who take football a little too seriously.
1. Stupid Super Fans
Today at the grocer, a small girl and her family entered the parking lot holding a Patriots balloon in Indiana, which is a no-no (Does anyone like Boston besides Bostonians?)
And one of our category 3 jerks snatched the balloon and stomped it down.
Why? Because he's a Giants fan.Don't get me wrong, I've got money on them too.
But why is he a Giants fan? Because in Indiana people like family. And "Manning" is all anyone needs to hear.
Now I know I'm a little pretentious in these blogs, especially with the family bit, but why the hell would you pop a little girl's balloon? These a special circle in hell for these types of jerks. And they cost $3.99 - $5.99 (I wonder if Mylar's a corporate sponsor of the game).
Here's what I suggest:
3. Be responsible with your drinking.
It's a big game. It's fun. We get it. Just be cool.
2. No corporation should stop people from saying "Super Bowl." Sure, if you're not a sponsor, you shouldn't use it as a promotional technique, but don't get pissed off at the common-folk. We're not making any money by spitting out those two words.
1. Light yourself on fire if you EVER, EVER pop a little girl's balloon, toy, etc., all because it boasts a team you don't support. I have no sympathy for such idiots.
That's it for now. Enjoy this video and the big game - You know, the SUPER BOWL!
Fear, focus, and the future. C.M. Humphries talks about writing, horror, and whatever.