Common Jerk, Entry 5: Curmudgeons & Idle Hands

Entry 5 of the Common Jerk is double-edged to swipe at 2 of the worst a-holes - probably of all time - and how they might relate to each other.

To makes things a little clearer, a curmudgeon is someone who hates everything. There is rarely an instance during which they can let things go. For instance, a curmudgeon would appose festive decorations or the way the sun shines. See Curb Your Enthusiasm and most of the people around you.

Now "Idle Hands" is the name of a syndrome known as having nothing to do or an extreme case of cabin fever. I'm sure you've heard the adage regarding idle hands before. If you have nothing better to do with your time, you make dramatic accusations about yourself and friends, trying to stir the pot, although it's more like spontaneous combustion. And idle hands have a bit of business with curmudgeons. 

Curmudgeons:
they are so ubiquitous it's alarming.

Nobody wants to prolong their stay around a curmudgeons. Unfortunately, their first impression can often be alluring.

See, they come off as intellectual, informed or as realists. They seem to have truer grip on what's really going on, and they share their stories with others, trying to dismiss all naivety  . . . and really about everything else.

After too many rendezvous with curmudgeons, however, their friends all begin to realize they are nothing more than negative. Everything sucks today, and tomorrow nothing is as good as yesterday. Snow, rain, wind, sun, clouds, blue, green, animals: they're all a real pain in the ass according to curmudgeons. No binary is better than its counterpart. Once the hangouts are over, the friends are stupid and never as good as those before them. Says the curmudgeon. 

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Idle Hands:

Ever wonder why Facebook is saturated by depressing statuses? FML. ______ sucks. Men/women need to ________ and so on.

It's because these types of "friends" have far too much time on their hands. They need a hobby. They need to go outside or take up drinking. Just something.


The worst of it is, when these people are left to their own devices and vices, hell ensues. Fire burns on either side of them as they walk. At work, they serve as the catalyst of conflict. Moreover, they let everyone know how shitty everybody else, how things should be, how they were and how they never will be again. 

Dun, dun, dun . . . The Curmudgeon. 

Consider this my PTA: Please, stop being and asshole. Suck it up and move on. Find joy underneath the rain. Make a friend. Have a hobby. And have a nice day.

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